I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
