Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
