Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
