Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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