Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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