did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize