I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
