just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
