Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
