Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
