getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
