Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
