You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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