the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize