That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
