dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
