Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You took a bar mat shot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
