You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
