She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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