thus making me awesome and them whores
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize