you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
These tits shall not be calmed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
