drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
