I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize