This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
