Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
