so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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