you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
