you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
