It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
