i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
