Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
