I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
