Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
