i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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