standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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