you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
