so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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