Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
