party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
