Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
