They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize