I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
