This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dick has a subreddit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
