I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
