Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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