when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
