yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
