So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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