My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
