Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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