Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
