Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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