i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
