Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
