I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
