Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
