Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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