I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
