I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
