I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
