You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
