He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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