john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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