my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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