i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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