Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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