ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
