So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
