No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
