I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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