On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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