dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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