I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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