Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize