I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
