I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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