It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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