Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
