I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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