I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Drake has all the answers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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