We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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