I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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