: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
