i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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