this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Send help, water and tortillas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
