Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize