My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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