I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
