You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
