Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
