You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
