TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
