She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
