You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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