im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
