"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
