He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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