We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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