so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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