fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
