i wish my penis had a tongue
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
