i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
