my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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