so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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