I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize