I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
