Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
